Unrequited Love
It began with glances,
it turned into mild smiles,
it became an obesseion
Wanted to move before the agression...
It was a Sunday morning on September 9th, 2000, that was the first time I had met her, she was a smiling girl with a red t-shirt and navy blue skirt.
When I looked at her, she was smiling at me, or so it seemed.
After that we had met a few times on the street, waiting for bus.
I just noticed that her house was in the path I had to cross, it had a tree of coral jasmine.
Then we happened to add one session in the early morning, in the pretext of getting milk, she
used to wait in her garden.
Every moment I caught her glimpse were magical moments in my life.
The more we met, the warmer the smiles were getting on, we just increased the occasions.
I started going to temples where she went, rise early,...
I realized that I was spending more time on her thoughts, not in the real world.
Probably I felt she might be desperate too, as a male it was my part to take the relationship to
the next level.
So I decided to talk to her, so in December I just casually turned to talk to her, so sudden I
could see her a bit taken back and surprised.
I just asked her I could talk to her, she said she was running late.
I didn't compel her. But I got her message that I can always reach her.
After this episode somehow I felt that the warmth we had shared had reduced, or may be my
perception...
Somehow I felt she was playing games with me or may be it was a just my imagination.
Was this an unrequited love or an infatuation? Am I just fueling by my imagination, and maybe my mind is seeing what it wants to see.
I was unable to get over this thought, finally the day had come to get the judgement.
I did rehearse a lot of soft,sugar coated words, with lot of pressure inside me, I confronted
her.
There was no warmth in her eyes, nor her words. She asked me to tell whatever I have quickly.
Somehow, I got an unpleasant notion, I just wanted to walk away.
But felt I might always speculate on this moment later and repent for it.
I decided to bite the bullet, so without wasting any time, asked her if she did or didn't want me
to pursue her.
At an instance she shot back that she doesn't want me to, without even pausing a moment to
think.
I just moved away to let her pass with a half hearted sorry which was not audible for both of
us, I just watched her move hastily without any remorse, may be she meant what she said.
I felt so bad, I just wanted to crash at that moment.
I still have no clue on why did choose to hurt me, what did I do to her?
Still I thought she might take some time and get back to me, may be it was shyness and not
indifference.
It was much greater than hope, may be greediness.
Moreover it was just an unrequited one, it would be easy to move on.
I was wrong on everything, she proved so the very next morning.
I stood in the regular place, she passed me, without even looking at my direction.
So humiliating experience it was, I had never stood like that ever in my life for anyone.
I have heard people saying heart is broken, but I realized that day it was not a metaphor, it
was a literal meaning.
The heart felt so heavy and painful. in fact the entire body ached.
So all the while I was barking at the wrong tree.
Whatever may be I just choose to respect her decision.
The whole dynamics changed within the span of 24 hours, just 24 hours ago she was the most
wanted person in my life, now she was the last person I wanted to see in my life.
That day, I drank so much and silently cried over it, I was full of rage on her for taking me
for a ride.
I just retrospected the flow of events once again this time, with the knowledge that she never
liked me, I felt a new perspective.
Maybe from her point of view it was more of an eve-teasing.
I was the one who imposed myself on her, she was just being too polite.
It is always true that she has a heart that already has someone.
Whom am I to make her life miserable.
By the end of the day, I decided to take the blame on myself.
Beside it was easy to convince myself rather convince her.
I just searched for something which was never there.
I just felt like letting her go was the best thing I can do for her. Though i owed an apology,
but realized it did not any difference, and there is no point in building a goodwill on my
behalf of her, there is no point in trying to mend. Why does she care?
I exactly knew her schedule, I just made a point to avoid her at all possible times.
Even the very idea of not seeing her the next day was so difficult, but I just recollected the
words she spoke, my self esteem or whatever was left behind induced me to stay away.
Hours became days, days became weeks, weeks became months.
After 7-8 months, one day I was walking with my mom, she was about to pass us, I noticed her from a distance. I could neither turn back nor cross the road, I just turned my head try not to look at her. Actually I didn't have any urge to look at her and my heart didn't beat crazily like it used to do earlier. I felt I had transcended over my unrequited love finally, though the journey was unbearable. At that moment I felt like a bird that flew out of the cage, in the open sky.
In between I had seen her with some other thug-like guy, it didn't bother me anymore except the
fact that was I worse than him :-)
Over the period of time I moved to a different city, was busy with my professional life and got
married and settled down.
Overall it looked as if it got healed.
Though I knew her name, I never had searched for her on social media.
After 17 years, in 2017 November, I was watching some smule videos, I happened to see her
singing.
She looked the same with some aging factor, but still charming coupled with some bad singing.
I could not help looking at her profile, to make sure if it was her and found out she was
married(not to that thug anyway) , lives abroad with two kids.
Of course I had no interest in her anymore, if I had moved away in the prime age, why would I
look at her now.
Wish the rest of the life passes away like this, I hope I will never meet her in life.
Did I really transcended unrequited love? I don't think so, Maybe the first cut was unforgettable...
it turned into mild smiles,
it became an obesseion
Wanted to move before the agression...
It was a Sunday morning on September 9th, 2000, that was the first time I had met her, she was a smiling girl with a red t-shirt and navy blue skirt.
When I looked at her, she was smiling at me, or so it seemed.
After that we had met a few times on the street, waiting for bus.
I just noticed that her house was in the path I had to cross, it had a tree of coral jasmine.
Then we happened to add one session in the early morning, in the pretext of getting milk, she
used to wait in her garden.
Every moment I caught her glimpse were magical moments in my life.
The more we met, the warmer the smiles were getting on, we just increased the occasions.
I started going to temples where she went, rise early,...
I realized that I was spending more time on her thoughts, not in the real world.
Probably I felt she might be desperate too, as a male it was my part to take the relationship to
the next level.
So I decided to talk to her, so in December I just casually turned to talk to her, so sudden I
could see her a bit taken back and surprised.
I just asked her I could talk to her, she said she was running late.
I didn't compel her. But I got her message that I can always reach her.
After this episode somehow I felt that the warmth we had shared had reduced, or may be my
perception...
Somehow I felt she was playing games with me or may be it was a just my imagination.
Was this an unrequited love or an infatuation? Am I just fueling by my imagination, and maybe my mind is seeing what it wants to see.
I was unable to get over this thought, finally the day had come to get the judgement.
I did rehearse a lot of soft,sugar coated words, with lot of pressure inside me, I confronted
her.
There was no warmth in her eyes, nor her words. She asked me to tell whatever I have quickly.
Somehow, I got an unpleasant notion, I just wanted to walk away.
But felt I might always speculate on this moment later and repent for it.
I decided to bite the bullet, so without wasting any time, asked her if she did or didn't want me
to pursue her.
At an instance she shot back that she doesn't want me to, without even pausing a moment to
think.
I just moved away to let her pass with a half hearted sorry which was not audible for both of
us, I just watched her move hastily without any remorse, may be she meant what she said.
I felt so bad, I just wanted to crash at that moment.
I still have no clue on why did choose to hurt me, what did I do to her?
Still I thought she might take some time and get back to me, may be it was shyness and not
indifference.
It was much greater than hope, may be greediness.
Moreover it was just an unrequited one, it would be easy to move on.
I was wrong on everything, she proved so the very next morning.
I stood in the regular place, she passed me, without even looking at my direction.
So humiliating experience it was, I had never stood like that ever in my life for anyone.
I have heard people saying heart is broken, but I realized that day it was not a metaphor, it
was a literal meaning.
The heart felt so heavy and painful. in fact the entire body ached.
So all the while I was barking at the wrong tree.
Whatever may be I just choose to respect her decision.
The whole dynamics changed within the span of 24 hours, just 24 hours ago she was the most
wanted person in my life, now she was the last person I wanted to see in my life.
That day, I drank so much and silently cried over it, I was full of rage on her for taking me
for a ride.
I just retrospected the flow of events once again this time, with the knowledge that she never
liked me, I felt a new perspective.
Maybe from her point of view it was more of an eve-teasing.
I was the one who imposed myself on her, she was just being too polite.
It is always true that she has a heart that already has someone.
Whom am I to make her life miserable.
By the end of the day, I decided to take the blame on myself.
Beside it was easy to convince myself rather convince her.
I just searched for something which was never there.
I just felt like letting her go was the best thing I can do for her. Though i owed an apology,
but realized it did not any difference, and there is no point in building a goodwill on my
behalf of her, there is no point in trying to mend. Why does she care?
I exactly knew her schedule, I just made a point to avoid her at all possible times.
Even the very idea of not seeing her the next day was so difficult, but I just recollected the
words she spoke, my self esteem or whatever was left behind induced me to stay away.
Hours became days, days became weeks, weeks became months.
After 7-8 months, one day I was walking with my mom, she was about to pass us, I noticed her from a distance. I could neither turn back nor cross the road, I just turned my head try not to look at her. Actually I didn't have any urge to look at her and my heart didn't beat crazily like it used to do earlier. I felt I had transcended over my unrequited love finally, though the journey was unbearable. At that moment I felt like a bird that flew out of the cage, in the open sky.
In between I had seen her with some other thug-like guy, it didn't bother me anymore except the
fact that was I worse than him :-)
Over the period of time I moved to a different city, was busy with my professional life and got
married and settled down.
Overall it looked as if it got healed.
Though I knew her name, I never had searched for her on social media.
After 17 years, in 2017 November, I was watching some smule videos, I happened to see her
singing.
She looked the same with some aging factor, but still charming coupled with some bad singing.
I could not help looking at her profile, to make sure if it was her and found out she was
married(not to that thug anyway) , lives abroad with two kids.
Of course I had no interest in her anymore, if I had moved away in the prime age, why would I
look at her now.
Wish the rest of the life passes away like this, I hope I will never meet her in life.
Did I really transcended unrequited love? I don't think so, Maybe the first cut was unforgettable...
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